Author Topic: Random Sacanime thing from a long-time attendee  (Read 120 times)

Offline VoltLight

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Random Sacanime thing from a long-time attendee
« on: August 04, 2017, 09:57:34 PM »
Gosh...where to start?
Well, I've been an attendee since since summer 2012, right around when I was in eighth grade or so. Little middle school me was "Sonic 4 lyfe", so it's no surprise  that's what my first "cosplay" was. I use that term loosely, because all it was was me wearing a blue shirt, sonic quills, and white gloves. Over time, though, I've really been able to get more stuff to improve it! (Yes I'm the Sonic girl that's been around since the first relocation to the convention center lol)

All the times I've attended sacanime, I've always had social anxiety and depression, so it was a bit hard for me to really interact with others. To make it worse, I haven't ever started treating it until a little over a year ago. Despite my GAD and depression, I've always enjoyed sacanime. It gave me the distraction I needed, even if it was only for one weekend. It gave me something to look forward to, something that I actually was happy to be a part of, even if it was in a social setting.

And, throughout all of my social disorders and other life problems, I happened across something I'd never thought I'd experience. I had met another sonic cosplayer in the 2013 summer convention. Us and our friends had spent that Saturday together, hanging out and generally just goofing around as two sonics. We had even met up again that Sunday to hang out on the last day of the convention!

And since you probably already know where this is going, yes, I ended up having a crush on him. 14 year old me was being absolutely loosing it, because I had enough social problems, and now having a crush was just like "WHAT IS THIS FEELINGS PLS STOP"

I had never met someone new who had similar interests as I did, much less a complete stranger who was so kind and friendly to me and my friends. I'd always wanted to just get to know him more and actually be a friend and not just "this one chick i met that cosplayed as sonic with me".

Over time, my anxiety made me loose it when it came to thinking of him, because I liked him and I just wanted to tell him but I was always too scared to. It wasn't ever really rejection I feared; I just wanted to at least be able to tell him one day how I felt, because it just felt like I was keeping secrets and I hated it.

Now, almost five years later, I'm not sure where I am now. I do still want to try and be friends, but now that I've slowly started to overcome my anxiety disorder I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about things in my past. Part of me still likes him...but I'm still not sure how to go about all of this. I just randomly run into him, and I doubt he even remembers me. He could already have a girlfriend or not even be interested for all I know :/

Just felt like typing all of this out...I've been listening to Patchwork Staccato and remembered all of this, and with the next convention coming up...who knows, man

Offline biguglynerd

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Re: Random Sacanime thing from a long-time attendee
« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2017, 01:59:25 PM »
If it makes you feel any better, I think the majority of people at Sac Anime have GAD or depression. I can't even mumble out a "I like your costume" to someone dressed up as my favorite character.

Maybe he does have a girlfriend. Maybe he hates Sonic now and joined a biker gang. It was a long time ago and it's silly to still be thinking about him this much. You made a friend for a few days and had a blast. What more could you ask for? :)